stephy

st3phy @ 2009-09-08T21:27:00

2009-09-09T04:37:08Z

Nothing seems to make me happy anymore. My family, definitely not. My friends, barely. Even my good grades don't make me feel proud of myself. Even a beer doesn't make me happy. NOTHING makes me happy.

I get disappointed sometimes that my friends don't see it. But I have to remember that they can't read my mind and if I want them to know something, I have to tell them. It's just that when I did have a best friend, that person would know. I miss having a good friend who I can just cry to and let all my feelings out. Just knowing that someone was there listening to me and understanding me made me happy. (I mean I do have some friends who say that they are there for me, but it's not that easy for me to open up to anyone anymore. I'm scared that they will judge me differently b/c of my problems and just won't understand. And I know that if they are like that, then they're not a friend. You get the fucking point.)

I really do feel alone and all I ever want to do is sleep so I won't have to face anyone anymore.

My first birthday

2009-05-12T07:12:35Z

This picture makes me all bubbly inside. It's so sweet and just brings a smile to my face.

I think my mama got carried away with the candles.

Dreams

2009-05-05T02:52:21Z

I just had a really weird dream. SO weird that I even remembered it because usually right when I wake up I forget what I dreamed about! Anyway, I was at a basketball game and there was a performance. Some celebrity, I forget who, grabbed me and pulled me on stage. He was very friendly but too friendly. He grabbed Ray J from For the Love of Ray J and introduced him to me as if that celebrity knew me my whole life! They both take backstage and Ray J is all cuddly with me. And then, I'm his show and win! But during this whole thing my teeth hurts. The was similar, if not worse, to the day after I dropped and my jaw and teeth were in intolerable pain because I was grinding. I look in the mirror and my tooth falls off! I start freaking out and wake up! I got so curious to see what this all means and I looked it up. It said:

"To dream that you are toothless, signifies your inability to reach your goals and advance toward your interests. Gloom and ill health will be part of your setbacks."

Well, ain't that fucking depressing!? I usually don't take dreams seriously (given that I barely remember them 97% of the time), but this time I know what it's signifying. I think I might make a move and end it but I'm not so sure. I don't think something like this is suppose to stress me. I've been in stressful situations but I dealt with it because I know it will pay off in the end. But this...I'm just straight up irritated. Maybe I'm thinking too much and too fast?

st3phy @ 2009-04-29T22:52:00

2009-04-30T06:01:59Z

I just came back from a meeting with The Masses family. I guess you can say I'm officially a member of it along with my homegirls Erika and Lydia. At first I was super intimidated because they all seemed so professional but who isn't when it comes to all that cash money, right? I just don't want to disappointment them. It's really my first time dealing with sales (I worked in retail but it's nothing compared to this kind of business). It involves a lot of persistence and hard-work. I HAVE THAT, if not even better. I'm just scared...

Other than the nerves, I'm really stoked about this. I've NEVER really been into the whole hip hop street wear culture, but The Masses really have proven to me that they're more than what the "hype" is all about. Their designs are innovative, creative, unique, and straight up just about SWAGGER. And it takes a lot for me to be impressed and they did far more than that. So pretty much my job is to network at stores and have them sell our merchandise. By that we get exposure and that cheddah haaaah-haaaaaa!

And this is all thanks to Erika! I love you girl! THANKS SO MUCH.

The only downside to this is I don't know how I'm going to juggle school, friends, work, and family. It's going to be tough but gotta do what you gotta do right?

Check them out. You won't waste your time.
themassesclothing.com/

No such thing as modesty

2009-04-22T06:46:41Z

I find showy people to be one of the most "annoying" people. Whatever happened to being humble? Even though they have something to brag about it, doesn't mean the whole world needs to know. It just seems that today those who brag about their goals, swagger, compliments given to them, any statement that seems to define them, they only do it for their reputation and acceptance of their peers. It's as if nothing is sincere and all remarks about each other is only to make oneself look better. Everything now is just so competitive and superficial. And it's just sad that those who boast have the slightest idea of what they're doing.

I can only pin point a few people who keep their morale's to themselves.

I don't know why I care so much even to post something about this but I just needed to let that out.

Lets get lifted

2009-04-21T16:14:59Z

I BARELY and I mean BARELY blaze but there was an exception for last night. And that shit WOOOO got to me. I'm so boring when I'm high. I don't even laugh. I'm just stuck the whole time.

And that's that.

Lala

2009-04-14T06:30:45Z

Spring break was okay! Cruised in Huntington on our longboards, went to the Heist with high school friends and got kicked out of line TWICE for being too drunk LOLLLLLLL, kickbacks at my house, just straight up chillin. It was good but could be a tad bit better. Nothing has beaten winter break! I'm going CAMPING this weekend! I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited. It's going to be my first time. I just can't wait to see what trouble we're going to get into. All that booze with just a bunch of land around us and no adult supervision for three days and two nights...WOO! Party on!

I've had a trainer at the gym for a good month now and I gained weight..due to the all the muscle build up =]. Honestly, I'm insecure about my body because I have that chubs all around. BUT I REALLY shouldn't be complaining since I know I have it good compared to other people. I'm grateful for just being healthy. I'm not a fan of skin and bones so I just told my trainer to help me lose a good 5 pounds and just tone up from there. I want my body to be like Kim Karadshian's. Nice and curvy! I see improvement but I just need to do cardio to lose all the fat before I turn into a gross body builder. I see lines on my stomach! WEEE! I just know I'll never get rid of those rolls when I sit down =[. Oh well, better to be curvy than have no ass and boobs.

ON ANOTHER NOTE..

Just when I thought I was set for a major, my mind changes again. I know I'm young and I'll probably have a change of interest again, but I just want to be set already. I'm tired of thinking what career path I should take! I don't want to waste time but I constantly keep changing my major. Well, lets see. I went from Business Entertainment to Nursing to now Sociology with a minor in Criminology. Every one of those sparks my interests but I just want to settle down already!

My psychology professor told me I should pursue a career in psychology because I was one of the few students who received an A in the class. I considered it but a couple days after I completely forgot about it. But I didn't understand what she also told me till now, "Why don't you incorporate what you're good at with your passion." For example, she told me I can go into film with a psychology major helping the producers with scenes that would attract the audience..yadda yadda. Of course me being a stubborn brat, I ignored the idea and just went for my initial plan. But hey! If I'm good at something, I might as well make use of it and turn it into something I love. So maybe..Sociology with a minor in Criminology. We'll see..'cause now..nursing just makes me gag and I started to think that I was one of those students going into because of it's stability. Even though one of my main intents into getting into it was because of the opportunity to care and help others, I think I just thought about the "cheedah". I'm NOT the type to settle too...

ALL I know is that I want my career to be one that I will love. One that I won't dread waking up in the morning to go to work but rather be excited. I want to be passionate about my career. I also want a job that can offer me a COMFORTABLE lifestyle. I don't need the finer things in life (even though it would be nice) but I just don't want to devote all my time working to provide food on the table and clothes on the back of my family. I want my job to offer me enough time to spend with my family.

I'm so young...but I just want to start my life already. Fast forward to future to when I have my masters in gosh knows what and when I'm raising a family. So long from now!

Whatever, I'll enjoy my youth. School bites. I hate math..........

I'M NOT WHITE BECAUSE OF THE FLASH BUT BECAUSE I TOOK PEPCID AC BEFORE! Yay for no Asian glow!

I can't believe my cousin got me that Marc Jacobs clutch. I never thought I would own anything brand named.

In mostly ALL the pictures I'm doing that lame pucker face! Hahah.

I really didn't want to go to the Heist. I've been one one TOO many times...

This is me trying to cop a feel of my close honegirl's boyfriend. She's the one who took the picture by the way. I am one of THE most inappropriate drunks =].

Hey thurrrrr.

OH GOSH.

With Pops on his birthday.

The economy if affecting my family really bad =[.

I cried

2009-04-02T04:54:41Z

because I lost my composure during my speech. I spoke about my uncle who passed away in a car accident. It's been a while since I've spoken about it and didn't think it would affect me. I've never done that before..usually it's no problem public speaking but I guess since it's been so long..it had to hit me eventually. It's just unfortunate it was in front of my class. Oh well!

Miss you Uncle Guimo! Your little boy, Ken, is growing up to be such a heartbreak to all the girls =].

Anyway, I haven't been up to much since I'm VERY VERY busy with school. I just don't understand how I can get pretty much straight A's but a D in math. Math has always been my weakness. I changed my major to nursing. BIG SURPRISE right? Ha that's sarcasm if you didn't catch it. No, I'm not going into it because I'm Filipino and definitely did I not go into because of the money (sort of). I decided to change from Business Entertainment to Nursing because I realized that entertainment industry with the business side to it isn't just for me. Yes, it's interesting and it won't be a boring job. But in reality especially with the economy now, it's HARD to find a job. I've heard first hand experiences from people and I don't want to be in that path. It's either your big or nothing in the industry. And honestly, my heart isn't into it to push myself to go that distance.

So I thought about what else am I passionate about that I can also incorporate with my career (because I think having a career that you hate is ridiculous. Your whole life you're working..and if you're not happy with your job eventually your life will just suck ass....anyway as I was saying........) I am strongly passionate about babies. Not because they're so cute but it's that innocence they have. I love taking care of them even if they're brats. Therefore, nursing came to my mind. I plan to get my BSN (maybe if I'm not sick of school by then I'll aim for my Masters and become a nurse practitioner). I also plan to specialize in pediatric oncology (kids with cancer). I told my dad that and he asked me wouldn't I feel deeply affective by it. I said no. Those kids are so innocent to their disease and the last they need is someone to cry in front of them. But I won't. I want to reach out to them and give them that hope they will fight that cancer and they will live long enough to see their future grandchildren. And since my family has been strongly affected by cancer, I would want to reach out to those patients because I can understand what they are going through.

I just want to make a difference in people's lives and by nursing I really know I can achieve that dream.

Here's me lately!
Everyone thinks this isn't my picture!

I got a Farah Fawcett inspired haircut. You can't really see it here but my hair is huge! It's kind of annoying to maintain. But I can't see myself with straight hair.

This was from the bar last weekend. I get so red! Gross I look tan! Ha!

I've honestly never really like those glasses but I guess I gave in haaaaaaaa.

A party a couple weeks ago. First party I've been to in forever. Usually it's just kickbacks with the homies but I don't know..is it just me or ever since winter break ended, there has been much going on AT ALL. Winter break it was like party every day. I miss winter break. It just a bunch of chilling with homies, partying here and there, just no drama. Now everyone is busy with their bf/gf and/or school! Oh well.

Handled that.

What bitch!?!!

I've always thought this boy was cute! HA!

They had the funniest signs around the house.

HAhaahhahAHAHHA.

Done for the night!!

st3phy @ 2009-03-22T21:58:00

2009-03-23T04:59:55Z

I'm too fuckin' busy now-a-days. And I blame school!! I barely get to see my boys too. WTF. Whatever..in about six years it'll pay off.

You pick

2009-03-11T08:19:20Z

1. It would just seem so right to get back with you. We share the same friends and we've gotten to know each other more that if we were to get back together we can just skip to the attraction stage. But like I said before...I don't want to hurt you. I think about you more than you think. It's really embarrassing when you catch me eye-ing you too =].

2. I'm so proud of you! You're finally starting your life now. Everything you've gotten and going to get is all well deserved.

3. You're on a leash by your girlfriend. I thought girls are the ones who usually play the bitch?

4. I'm so sorry for being busy. I really do miss you and our talks at Starbucks. Once I find time I'll call you kay? I'm just honestly really busy with everything =[.

5. I still think of you. I'm too much of a coward to tell you anything because you seem so happy and I wouldn't want to get in the way of that. And in some way I think we've grown differently too. Like we wouldn't be compatible as we were. But I still wonder if there's ever going to be an "us" in the future. I miss you

6. I remember when I was with you...everything seemed so perfectly laid out. You really gave me sweet memories to look back on. I found that queen card you gave me that one time we were playing spoons.

Mid part???

2009-02-13T03:02:18Z

Felisha (yes you girl!) inspired me to do the mid part..hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!! And I haven't taken Myspace whore pics in a while........blahb lahblah.

Me lately. I can't believe that's all my real hair. It's about time!

st3phy @ 2009-02-11T20:08:00

2009-02-12T04:11:11Z

We're going to the Discovery Science Center ON Valentine's Day. Not FOR that lame ass holiday...at least I'm doing something on that day!..with the boy I'm sort of jockin on!

YES!

2009-02-01T18:39:21Z

I just came back from my photoshoot! I miss modeling!! Well, I only miss that specific photographer 'cause her pictures are sick. Can't wait till she sends them to me!!

SOOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITED. I'm going to book a couple more with her soon. One with my friend (Gossip Girl theme!) and another one of an AA theme. CLICHE, yes it is. But I don't think anything is sexier than a girl in tube socks, briefs, and a plain tee.

I'm happy with life. So fucking happy.......

&I think there's a new boy in the picture. I think...We were so shy to each last night that we barely hung out. But it was SO cute. We would eye each other and just giggle. I'M SO SHY WITH BOYS!!!

Hip hop at its finest

2009-01-17T22:15:48Z

While drinking with the homies, Vistro and I were flipping through the iPod and came upon some old hits. I don't know any other friend who knows the same old school music taste as me! We started blasting some Naughty by Nature, Public Enemy, and Blackstreet! Then, we went on Youtube and started searching for 80's and 90's hip hop hits so we can make our SICK ASS mix cd. Gosh, it was bringing me back to when I was 5. Despite at how young I was, good music was no stranger to my ears. I always wished I was older like my cousins who rocked the overalls with one side unhooked. They were always bumping their TLC and Boyz II Men as if they owned the neighborhood. I was just so influenced to such (what I think is) good music. A little over 10 years later "hip hop hoorrrayy" never seems to get old. Even though at the time and even still now, I may not know all the titles of the songs or even know the artist, know what hood they grew up in, all that stuff..but I do know what good music sounds like. I just think its unfortunate that today hip hop music has evolved into something I don't love as much as I do with earlier music. Maybe that makes that music so good is its history. But still...music today just isn't the same.

So speaking of old school, I was VERY VERY fortunate to see Boyz II Men in concert this last Tuesday. The following words doesn't justify how I really felt. No exact words can really explain their performance. It was to say the FUCKING least......amazing. They played their old hits like, "On Bended Knee", "End of the Road", "Water Runs Dry", and of course "I'll Make Love to You". A year or two ago they released a CD containing of Motown classics like "All This Love" and "Just My Imagination", which they performed along with the smooth choreography artists of the 50s did. 18 years (I can't believe they are as old as me) later they still have that energy to entertain their fans. Not only are they astounding singers, but they are passionate about their talent. Passionate yet humble. Their "thanks yous" to the crowd is so modest, not like the artists today. They bowed after every song and when they shook any fans hands, it was with a firm grip. I just don't see that gentleman-like attitude today in entertainment. Times have really changed.

A night I will never ever forget!!

Here's one of the videos from the concert..(I can't upload the other ones =[)

Answer this

2009-01-11T19:46:31Z

1.) How come NICE guys go for the psycho-ist girls ever! The ones who deserve the best usually get the worse and most of the time they're complaining about it but just can't let go. I fucking hate those stupid ass girls who get so jealous over the dumbest things like.."Oh wtf babe! How come you don't call every five minutes?", "You're going out with girls!?", "Why are you dancing with one of your home girls?", "Gee, you're talking to ex-gf???????", "Who's that bitch commenting to you!"
2.) Why guys don't realize what's good infront of them?
3.) Why they like being the bitch in the relationship! Where's equality in this? Fuck.
4.) And then why do they complain with who they are with but don't do shit! I know it's easier said than done but FUCK!

AND NO, this just not just apply to me but lately I've been seeing my friends go through this and I hate it!!! Honestly, fuck over-protective, possessive, and jealous boyfriends/girlfriends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My stupid thoughts at 2:53 AM

2008-12-31T11:26:27Z

I'm just gonna brainstorm the shit out of my mind right now!..and I don't give a rat's ass who reads it!

This is stupid! I should be in a relationship right now! Alright, lets not be selfish now because I really am happy for you but I'm still just a LITTLE bitter (no sarcasm). I woke up feeling like a piece of shit because it's been awhile since I've had alone time. ALONE TIME=CRAZY THOUGHTS. I thought about how I'm a pathetic SINGLE loser. I then contacted one of my best friends only to hear his lame voicemail! But it was all good 'cause just a couple hours later, he finally woke up and I jetted to his house. I told him everything that was on my mind. How my life isn't fair because I'm single when I've done absolutely nothing to deserve this feeling of loneliness (no intention to lose humbleness). He told me that I just need to be patient! PATIENCE AGAIN!? You have to be fucking shitting me right!? I'm tired of being patient. I'm tired of being let down. I'm tired of seeing all these happy couples! All I want to love someone! Is that just so hard!!! I'm just a whiny brat when it comes to love. Maybe love isn't for me? Maybe I should just go to some convent..oh fuck it. The way I look at love now is like back in May...I CRAVE IT WITH A BITTER HEART. I'm back to my bitch mode for sure. Any boy who comes my way has to kiss the ground I walk on. I'm exaggerating of course but my guard is way above the clouds again. In some way I wish I never knew how it felt to be with someone special so I wouldn't know what I am missing in my life. But I can't have an attitude like that, right?! Things happen for a fucking reason! I'm just waiting for that one boy who can make me forget about everything in the past and just make me look forward to what he would bring in my life.

Why am I such a bitch when it comes to my single life. I hate being single! I hate love! Scratch that I can't say that since I've never been in love. Anyway, I should really be enjoying my single life but I'm no whore. I won't use my single-ness to my full advantage. I'm very picky because I want to find "the one". Well, maybe me being picky is the reason of my loneliness. Maybe I need to give guys chances and take those risks! But I don't want to make a name out of myself. MAYBE I JUST REALLY NEED TO OPEN MY EYES AND NOT LOOK FOR MR. PERFECT. UGH, I am so hard to please though. Honestly, I haven't met any guys who fit the criteria of a potential dater! Now, it seems that I'm Ms. Needy over here. Oh please, I beg differ. The thing with me is that when I am in a relationship, I try not to let the boy pay me (I got my own money), you don't have to open the doors for me (I'm have arms to use), you want your space? I'll be more than happy to give it to you! ('Cause I like my space too)! But when I'm not in a relationship, I'm so fucking needy to just having a boyfriend.

It's just that I am one of those girls who have been through so much (especially at such a young age). It's hard to be patient when all I see love around me, but I just don't feel it.

st3phy @ 2008-12-30T12:47:00

2008-12-30T20:50:12Z

I noticed that when my life is so good, I barely post. I'm too busy to write anything down!

I love life but I haven't had alone time to myself. And now that I have it I'm back to my crazy ways of thinking.

RIP Lola Coring

2008-12-04T04:00:26Z

I got the text from my dad that she passed away this morning. I was in disbelief even though we knew her condition was terminal. A few minutes later my sister called me and told me that our dad called her and in the background she can hear our whole family crying (they're in the PI). I don't know what to say or even think. I feel so much for my family because they've encountered so many deaths this year already, and now their mother just passed away. What's even more sad is that I can't even remember the last time I saw her. And what's makes me so confused is that I haven't even cried. I feel so numb to everything. I know I care for her and my family but not a single tear has come down yet and I'm scared for that moment when it all falls down.

I know she was a wonderful mother and grandmother to all. She will be greatly missed. I love you Lola Coring. I know you're watching over us <3.

This past November, a few friends lost their loved ones. This is just another reminder to keep your loved ones close and make sure they know they are cared and loved by you. Don't take advantage of anyone, you never really know when it's their time.

I'm starting to get scared of death.

Cat fight!

2008-11-23T23:51:38Z

I almost got into a fight last night but the bitch boned out and cried! Pretty much this girl thought she can talk mad shit about my HOMIE, Brian, and not get caught. Oh, please! It was my first bitch fight. My fist was literally in her face. Not going to lie, it was a lot of fun but never again unless it's really necessary. I wanted to throw some punches though! Booo.

But yesterday was fun 'cause I hungout with Brian and his friends. I was the only girl and my gosh it was fun just hanging out with a bunch dudes for once. Guys are so chill. We went to some place in LB so they can pick up some new gear for their bikes and I picked up some new shoes too! Very random but it's RARE that I find my size (5) with Nike sneakers. Yay me! Then, we headed back to Justin's house and just chilled. I watched them bike and blah blah. Then, I asked Brian if we can cruise around in our Sector 9s and we did. You have no idea how much I love cruising around. He taught me how to carve which I thought was really sweet 'cause no one really teaches me anything =[. Then, we ate Korean BBQ. We had over 10 plates! I'm still full from it.

Then we headed over to the party. Chino Hills is way too small. I saw people who recognized me from my friend's going away party. They pointed out that I was that really drunk girl with the 40 doing some drunk dance. Great. Then I saw my friend's bf. Then I saw other people I know. SMALL WORLD. Don't like it if you ask me!

The fight was so much though! We pulled her outside and 'caused a ruckus. Then Brian almost got into a fight and we got kicked out of the house. HA! Never again though.

Here just some good quotes from last night:
"When I'm done with her, I call dibbs on her shoes!"
"I'll make her kiss the ground you fucking walk on!"
"Can we have more meat?"
"Tufo."
"Don't worry fool, I'll back your back up.......??"
"Patrick stepped on my toes!"
"..NO IT WAS GIBBY WHO STEPPED ON YOUR TOES.....fucking bitch."
"How much is a side of toast?"
*TJ has his palms up while yelling at a guy*
"Fool, you don't look hard when you do that!"

I was on tv!

2008-11-22T12:25:08Z

My best friend and I attended the Jimmy Kimmel Show Wednesday night. We got FRONT ROW SEATS! It was just so MUCH fun. Like all the excitement in the room. To add to that, they were promoting something that had to with mustaches so they gave the audience one to wear for the commercial. And LUCKILY, Steph and I were zoomed in for a half a second! Woo, there goes my half second of fame! Watching all the behind the scenes stuff made me even more excited for my major. Entertainment is my main interest. I really want to be a producer or something like that. I'm gonna have a 6 figure salary and I'm going to work hard for every penny. I really can't wait! Woo!

On the car ride to Hollywood, Steph and I had our random bonding conversations. We never really talk about how we're best friends but that night we finally did. We said that we've really have been there for each other through the worse and best times. And what makes our friendship SO great is that we're both really understanding towards each other. Like even when we get into those small arguments, it's easy to get over it because we UNDERSTAND each others point of view. I love her so much! It's like friends will come in and out of our lives but in the end it's just gonna be us two. No homo at all! That's why I don't really care to get know others now 'cause I really have my best friend already and to me that's enough.

I just came home from clubbing. I was really bored in the beginning but towards the end I was dancing and sweating! Majority of the club were hispanics and black so I stood out like a sore thumb. But I love that crowd. They KNOW how to dance. Not just that bump and grind shit but they KNOW how to dance. And if they do bump and grind it looks good, not trashy. The club had male strippers tonight and they were bouncing around in thongs and doing dirty stuff with girls that I never knew could happen! I'm so scared of them! Whatever, 'cause some jiggas made it rain and I came home 4 dollars richer! ood, not trashy.

"Can I be your cuddy buddy?"

2008-11-18T05:10:59Z

So last Saturday night was Melissa's bday party. I got too drunk and even got a lil rowdy which I haven't been like that since FOR A LONG TIME! Justin came through with some of his friends. There's always this awkward tension I feel because we don't hold hands at first or even kiss. It's such a tease. But later through the night we both loosened up and got all "cuddy buddy". It was just fun hanging out with him since the last time we did was when I got ticked off! Which btw two my of my gf put the poor boy on blast (it's okay though). They were telling him that I deserve the best and he should act like he likes me and blah blah. POOR BOY was so lost since I didn't tell him anything about Wednesday. He was chill about it and I told him what they were talking about. I told him I got upset last Wednesday because he showed no affection at all which caused me to be so confused of where we are and if this is slow to him then I'm not down for it. He apologized and told me he was acting that way because he was really stressed about his class. No, it's no bullshit. It's really true. I also told him I didn't want to bring anything up since he wanted to take things slow and I didn't want to bring up anything making it seem like I'm taking this so seriously, ya know? Anyway, throughout the night I was just going crazy and pretending to pick fights with a random white boy HAHA. We took kissy pictures and I asked him if I can put them up and he said of course lol!

Anyway, the next day we got In n Out. When he walked me to my car he brought up Saturday night. He pretty much told me that he's not looking for a long term relationship right now because he "hates fighting" and he just got out of a 4 year relationship. I told him I feel as if he has his guard up and I'm not going to pressure him into anything more than he wants. He also said that he wants to take things really slow (how many times have I mentioned this lol!). He's really the type to work for things slowly to get it right. He just wants to make this right and taking it slow is most comfortable with him. And I agreed with him even though I told him I'm type of girl who just doesn't date around just to date around. My intention is to get into a long term relationship. We pretty much established that we're taking this really slow but we're not tied down. If someone else comes then we can date them. I'm fine with that. The only problem is that I want more but he isn't gonna give me that and I'm not going to pressure him. And the reason why is 'CAUSE I'VE BEEN IN HIS POSITION BEFORE. I know how it feels to be pressured to take things faster. That's how I was last year with my ex and I don't want him to feel that way.

On another note, my friend actually pushed my buttons earlier today. She told me she didn't think like him. I've heard this before and I told her that she doesn't even know him. And everything you hear is really not what you think. I just thought it was so ignorant because she doesn't know him at all. It was pretty much insulting also. I just feel like as if some of my friends aren't being as open-minded to my problems. Just because he wants to take it slow doesn't mean he's a bad person. If there's any problem, it would be ME and just ME since I want to take things at a difference and that's shit I have to deal with. Don't make him seem like a bad person 'cause he's not. I wouldn't involve myself with anyone like that and the guy just has his guard up! I'm just so annoyed! Close-mindedness and ignorance ticks me off.

Anyway, I bet you guys have been wondering who is this guy!!!!!!!!!

The pics are gonna be big! Sorry too lazy to resize.

HAHA this is our first pinky promise together. The promise was for him to call me right when he wakes up so we can go eat at In N Out =].

"Babe! Look at me and smile!"........"KAY TAKE THE PICTURE NOW!"

"YOU HAVE TO EARN TO GET A CIG GIRL!"

This was from Thursday night. Heist, no surprise =[. But I got drunk and lasted till the ride home! MIRACLE!

"PAPER OR PLASTIC!" HAHHAHHAHAA

Xtian needs to pull that stick out of this ass, right?

Erika came along! Lah her!

Btw, that's my real hair! Stephy don't got her weave anymore!

RIP

2008-11-14T00:56:23Z

My friend's mom who has been battling cancer for four years has passed away this morning. Everyone saw it coming but it's so shocking to know God has taken her already.

May angels lead you in. RIP Mrs. Alemant. You were a loving wife and mother.

Fucking stupid

2008-11-13T21:38:02Z

My best friend just made it official with her boy. Don't get me wrong, I AM VERY HAPPY FOR HER. But oh gosh, it's gonna be like this for a while.....

"We're gonna go out to dinner..you should come!"
"Who's going?!"
"Oh us and our boyfriends!"
"I'll pass..but have fun!"

Fucking shit. I AM ALWAYS THE 5TH WHEEL. All my friends have their boys. I'm happy for them but I'm left in the dust like fucking always.

Get on your knees and beg.

2008-11-12T21:41:31Z

So today things made it official that he's really not feeling me and I think I'm more bitter towards myself for giving this boy a chance and having it not fall through rather than have him reject me. I DON'T GIVE BOYS CHANCES and the one I do, it doesn't fall through. I'm ACTUALLY fucking heated and now I have this bitch attitude now. Like if a boy wants to fucking get to know me, he has to get on his fucking knees and beg. Maybe it's because I haven't felt attention from a boy who I also like too. And I feel as if every boy has to go the extra mile for me. But it definitely isn't because I think I'm better than them, it's because I MOTHER FUCKING know what I want and I won't fucking settle for less. I'm picky ass bitch and I'll get what I want.

I'm just so like WHAT THE FUCK. I know nothing is wrong with me. I KNOW I over think things and when it comes to boys I think negatively. I am VERY cautious of how I fucking think but really I could fucking care less. I'm not heart broken I'm just fucking bitter how things happen especially when I know I fucking deserve the mother fucking best when I've done so fucking much in the years.

I'M NEVER GONNA GIVE A BOY A CHANCE EVER FUCKING AGAIN. I don't give a fuck if they're gonna fucking give me roses and a thousand kisses on my forehead. I'm gonna snap my finger at every boy who comes my way. AT LEAST I KNOW I WON'T GET HURT. I'm a prude bitch.

FUCK LOVE AND BOYS.

I'M SO EXCITED

2008-10-30T19:16:43Z

for Halloween! I'm not going to some party but I'm going to see N.E.R.D at the Jimmy Kimmel show again! And guess with who??..yeah that's right..him =].

It's crazy how this boy can keep me smiling 5 minutes after we said goodbye! Don't ask me why I'm so interested in him...there's just something about him.

I still like how he hasn't kissed me yet! It shows a lot..we'll see how this goes =].